This Is Better Than My Vision!

Growing Up

I grew up being directly impacted by the military without really ever knowing it. My dad has been serving in the PA National Guard most, if not all, of my life. Being in the guard means that most years he would only go away one weekend a month and 2 weeks a year, so it was never a day to day thing.

I remember my dad being deployed when I was young, and I remember the day Aidan and I were eating breakfast and my mom said, “there’s a surprise for you upstairs.” I’ll never forget how excited we were to go find out what this present was, we thought it would be a new toy or something cool; we never expected to find dad upstairs. Looking back at my life, I would say that’s the most direct time in my life where I understood that I was being impacted by the Army.

But I was indirectly being impacted by the Army my whole life. My dad works full-time on the civilian side of the Army, was active duty Army and now serves in the National Guard, so the Army has truly impacted him and in turn impacted me and the way I was raised. I am so thankful for the principles that have been instilled in me because of my dad’s time in the Army. I want to be the leader that I have watched my dad be my whole life… even though it took me until freshmen year of college to understand that my dad holds a pretty big leadership role in the Army.

 

 

My Story

I never desired to go into the Army. It wasn’t something I ever imagined I’d do or pursue. I held the incorrect assumption that I’d have to be on the front lines if I went into the Army; I failed to see that there are opportunities to serve in so many other ways in the Army.

I have no idea what caused me to look into Army ROTC (actually I do… it was a God thing). I clearly remember the day I told my dad it was what I wanted to pursue. It was January of my junior year, dad had just gotten home from guard, we had planned to get sushi, but our favorite place was closed because of snow. The next best option? Pizza Hut (just kidding… but it was that or McDonalds haha!). I told my dad that I was going to pursue ROTC and see what happened, I knew God would have me where he needed me.

My dad was a bit surprised, but also so supportive. He had never pushed the military on me, I think we had one conversation about it when I was in 9^th grade. I now know he was wise not to push it on me because during that season of my life I would have done the complete opposite of what he had told me (I can be stubborn. I get it from my dad).

The next step was applying for a scholarship. I applied. I looked at schools that had top ROTC programs. I talked to cadets. I went to presentations. I waited.

I did not get a scholarship. It was definitely a bummer, but I knew the Army was something I had to pursue, it’s what I felt called to. So, I (begrudgingly) decided to go to UTK and registered for ROTC classes. It was my goal to show up, work hard, and hopefully earn a 3-year scholarship. I quickly came to love ROTC, but that first year of school was hard. I told God, “I don’t want to be here. The only way I’m staying here is if you make a 3-year scholarship happen.” Friends, don’t give God ultimatums (;

I got the 3-year scholarship and here I am continuing to love ROTC, learning something new every day, seeing God show up in some pretty extraordinary ways and enthusiastically waiting for my time to start serving in the “big Army.”

 

Last Week

I spent this past Tuesday through Sunday (today) at Fort Knox in Kentucky. I had the privilege of attending a women’s leadership conference from Tuesday to Thursday and then heading straight to the field for a Field Training Exercise from Thursday through today.

I wanted to recap the women’s conference, whether you’re a military lady or a civilian lady, I think there were so many incredible takeaways for anyone.

This conference was encouraging and empowering. Every person stands in a different place in regard to what they think females should and should not do, but that doesn’t matter, I think we all have some commonalities. We are hard on ourselves, we often fear what others may think, or wonder if we’re “[_____] enough” to do what we want to do. We can get caught competing with other females rather than empowering each other and recognizing that we all have strengths and weaknesses and we should come alongside of one another as cheerleaders, not competitors.

You, my friend, are strong. You’re worthy of chasing your goals. Every single day is an opportunity for you to do something to better this world.

 

Takeaways:

1. Every day show up and be the best _______ you can be.
2. Being successful in the Army is 85% looking and acting like a professional soldier and 15% knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
3. Identify your strengths and weaknesses (we all have them).
   1. Develop them every single day
   2. Focus on the positives
   3. Do not dwell on all the things you do not know.
4. Embrace discomfort.
5. Be humble
   1. Never think you’re better than someone else
   2. Never be too comfortable
   3. Never think that you’ve arrived
6. Do not let anyone else define success or happiness in your life.
7. Life is more than an adventure, it’s an obstacle course.
8. “Yes, I can.” “Yes, I can!” “Yes, I can.”
9. Network and ask others for advice
   1. Best sources of advice (in Army): First Sergeant, CSM, Warrant Officers
10. Say “yes” to opportunities to hang out with your peers and develop relationships even when you may not want to.
11. Having a career does not equal having a life.
    1. When your career ends, what’s going to be there?
    2. Find an outlet.
12. We (women) do not want equality, we want equity.
    1. Equality: everything is exactly the same
    2. Equity: everyone has equal access to opportunities
13. Knowing that things could be worse should not stop us from trying to make things better.
14. Shine in whatever position you are in.
15. Be better than your best.
    1. You’re competing against the standard, not other people.
16. If you’re going to spend 9 hours a day doing something, you better love it.

 

Y’all, I have pages and pages of notes and I cannot possibly explain all the wisdom that I was able to absorb. It was a gift to listen to females of all backgrounds share about their experiences. I heard from women with all sorts of different experiences: Lieutenants all the way through Major Generals, NCOs, and civilians. It was such an incredible opportunity to network and grow.

 

My Heart

This is not where I imagined I’d be. I never pictured myself signing a contract to be an officer in the United States Army. I never thought I would spend three days out of classes and learn more than I could ever have learned in the classroom. I really did not believe I would still be at UTK. But here I am.

The past 6 days have been an incredible reminder to me of what God is doing in, through and around me. Last night, I sat in a room with a bunch of other cadets and a chaplain and worshipped, how incredible is that? This year I have spent hours of time talking one on one with ROTC friends about Jesus and how good he is. I see God moving even through the messy and every day I am reminded that UTK is where he called me. He does know best.

I am honored and humbled to be where I am today. I am excited for the journey ahead as a leader in the Army and I am incredibly encouraged knowing how many incredible role models I have to look up to.

 

Encouragement to You

Go try the thing that scares you. The thing that you’ve been losing sleep over, the thing that makes your stomach knot up, the thing that may end in a disaster. Be bold, friend. Let God use you right where you are and choose to recognize that he IS working where you are, even if you cannot see it! And don’t ever let someone else talk you out of what you’re supposed to do.

 

Love ya friend! You are a world changer.

2 Big F-Words: Failure & Fear

 

I have made a lot of decisions in my life. Some big, some small. Some with a lot of thought and intention, some with less preparation. The fact of the matter is, we all make hundreds of decisions every single day.

 

Now take a second with me and be honest with yourself. When is the last time you said “yes” to something you’d likely fail at? If you’re like me, I cannot think of many times in my life where I have intentionally pursued the possibility of failure.

 

I like to play it safe… I think we all do (even if we put on the tough guy exterior). If I know I’ll succeed, I am in.

 

For my entire life I have viewed failure as if it were the plague. I have steered clear of it. I have judged myself harshly the few times that I have failed (oftentimes on a test … or that time I tried out for the volleyball team, lol).

 

Our society tells us that failing is not okay. We define ourselves by our failures, when God’s already told us just how valuable we are. Why? What is with us and thinking we know better than God?

 

Recently I failed. But I thought I was doing what God was calling me to do(I now realize I was). I prayed hard about the decision, sought wisdom from others and prepared for the opportunity at hand. Then. I failed. What? Why God?

 

On Sunday, my small group had a discussion about failure and one of my friends brought up the thoughts I just shared in the paragraph above. She was confident God was calling her to something, but then she did not get it. Why is that?

 

In that moment, Jesus nudged on my heart and I looked at my friend and said, “I think God sometimes calls us into places where he already knows we will fail because he needs us to learn something that will prepare us for what he already knows is coming in our future. Yet we feel God calling us somewhere and we get a picture of the finish line in our head, not realizing that our finish line isn’t God’s finish line.” I believe that completely. My recent failure was not how I expected things to turn out, but God knew. And in that failure, I learned a lot.

 

Above all, I was reminded of where my worth comes from. I am not defined by anything of this world, not a title, not a friendship, not the words of others, not the lies I believe, not my failures or shortcomings, not even by what people I respect a lot think of me. I am a child of God and that is who I, Albany Campbell, am. And you my friend, you’re a child of God too.

 

So… when’s the last time you intentionally pursued failure? I have never intentionally pursued it. And you know what? I’m deciding right now that I’m going to start intentionally pursuing it. I want to step out into uncharted territory, trusting that God is my rock. My feet may fail, but he will not. I do not want to play it safe, I want to live every single moment as though it’s the most important moment God has given me. This moment right now could change eternity.

 

2 Timothy 1:7

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

 

 

Disclaimer: Don’t read “I’m going to intentionally pursue failure” and think “wow Albany, you’re just going to start slacking off?” Absolutely not. I am talking about being courageous and walking into the open doors God places in my life even if I cannot see the other side.

 

~ Love Jesus, Love Others, Work Hard ~

Seasons & Stories

I’m just sitting here in my cold apartment wondering how I’m done with another semester of college. A hard semester… one that’s been very hard to walk through and even harder to write about/talk about. I think I have at least 4 blog posts written that I just couldn’t bring myself to post because I’m not sure if they can even slightly capture the faithfulness of God in this season.

 

Last night, one of my besties from the Boro texted me and asked if I could send her the link to some video projects that I was a part of in high school. I’ll always be excited to do anything Tribe Time related, so trying to track down these videos was fun! As I searched for the different things she wanted, I came across our Homecoming Court Lib Dub from my senior year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdHjW1TostA&feature=youtu.be). I watched and just laughed at my awkward self and quietly reminisced on high school.

 

I hated high school. I loved the people and the activities, but the actual school part wasn’t my thing. By senior year all I wanted was to get out. I wanted to adult. I wanted to leave Waynesboro. I wanted a new start.

 

I look back on that season and I miss it. And I know that I did not appreciate it as much as I should have.

 

I miss stressing over big projects for Tribe Time with my friends.

I miss the gun going off at Cross Country meets.

I miss driving underclassmen anywhere and everywhere (especially my brother’s friends).

I miss sitting in the stands being the obnoxious sister at basketball games.

I miss being a student leader for Young Life.

I miss going home and talking to my best friend (aka my madre) about my day (normally how “bad” it was).

I miss being annoyed with my brothers for something stupid.

I miss that season of life that was unknowingly simple.

 

And here I am at the end of another season. I’m finishing up fall semester of sophomore year. I’m so blessed to be able to say that this was the hardest season of my life [so far], yet God has wrapped almost everything up in the most beautiful ways.

 

Coming into this semester, I was ready because it was supposed to be a “break” after a summer filled with 50+ hour work weeks, 10 credit hours and very little sleep. I knew this semester would be jam-packed, but it looked nothing like I ever expected.

 

This semester I said, “this is the best season of my life.” [before it became the hardest]

This semester I lost respect and trust for some people I love a lot. (Jesus has totally healed those situations)

This semester I was angry. I couldn’t understand why things just kept happening like they did.

        I learned how to tell God I was angry, and y’all it was UGLY. If you could see what was going on in my heart, you would never ever use a kind word to describe me again. But God sat with me in my anger and helped completely heal that anger.

This semester I learned in a whole new way what it means to forgive.

This semester I prayed like I’ve never prayed before.

        I prayed big prayers. I prayed for things that didn’t even make sense to me at the time. I prayed real & raw prayers, there was nothing that I didn’t say to God. I learned how to tell him straight up how I was feeling and what I was thinking (which were not very nice things during several weeks of this semester).

This semester I signed my contract with the Army!

This semester I had a concussion (LOL at that story).

This semester I learned a lot about who Albany Campbell is. I also learned some hard things about how others perceive me (which doesn’t really matter, but it’s been a good thing to learn).

This semester…. [insert 5.2 million other things]

 

There were a lot of moments this semester where I just wanted it to be done. I’m so thankful God called me to UTK (a lot more thankful than I was last year), but there were so many moments this semester where I wanted to pack up my bags and head home… for good.

 

I’m sitting here thinking about seasons. I have walked through so many seasons that I just wished away. I get caught wanting the next thing rather than sitting in the present thing.

 

I don’t know what the next season will hold, but I know that I will look back on this season and miss things about it. I’ll miss the people in it. I’ll miss the tears that turned into growth. I’ll miss things that at this moment I don’t even realize I’ll miss.

 

It’s been a hard season. But this is where God called me and exactly where he needed me. It’s my prayer that I would always remember this season as one that was life-changing.

 

It’s also my prayer that I would never ever take a season for granted or wish it away. Today is all that I’m promised, and I don’t want to get caught wishing it away. I want to have a present heart in every situation, the good and the bad.

 

Friend, where are you right now? Are you in the middle of a season (good, bad, tiring, exciting, etc)? Are you wrapping up a new season with no idea what the next season will hold? Are you unintentionally wishing this season away?

 

Let’s decide right now to have a present heart. Let’s put away our planners, put away our phones, pray about God’s plan for us and decide to totally enjoy this moment!

 

You know that “coffee-cup verse” (aka one that is thrown around all the time by people who do follow Christ and people who do not) that says:

“I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

It’s one that gets thrown around often. And we (or maybe just I) like to think that God’s plans are our plans, but they’re not. And in the hardest season of my life, I’ve really learned the meaning of this verse. At times, I felt like I was being harmed because I couldn’t see the full picture and I was in pain. I now see how much God’s plan is for me and not against me. He knows exactly what my heart needs, even when I cannot see it.

Because…

 

Hey Friend!

As I stare at my computer screen, I feel called to write to the person who may find themselves in a season of confusion, a season of doubt, a season of loneliness or a season of unknowns.

Last Monday, God made it clear that this is a verse I need to cling to:

Psalm 27:1

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”

If we’re being honest, I don’t know who’s reading this and I am really not sure why you find yourself reading it, but I do know that you are loved beyond understanding.

Last year around this time, I spent hours crying in the car. I was returning to UTK after fall break and I really wanted nothing more than to quit school in Tennessee and move back home. I was lonely. I was exhausted. I was confused. I was doubtful. (this list goes on)

You see, UTK was never my dream school, in fact, I told my parents I was not going to come here. I had loved it when I visited, but there were too many unknowns. As a girl who likes to know what’s coming my way, I knew coming to school in Tennessee would totally strip me of that safety net. Obviously, I ended up at UTK (that’s a different story).

Last year was hard. I got to a place where I seriously thought it was impossible for God to use me here (how selfish is that?). Here’s what I see now: God was using all of last year to set me up for things to come in the future… beautiful, redemptive, hard things.

–

I walked without community for the better part of my first year of school. Why? Because I needed to understand that Jesus truly is enough.

I spent a lot of hours around people I love who were (or are) pursuing completely different things than me. Why? Because I needed to be tested/tempted and reminded that if I’m standing with Jesus, my life will look different and God can use those differences to point others to Himself.

I spent a lot of time sending long text messages to my friends and family from home begging for prayers. Why? Because I needed to learn the power of prayer and the act of humbly admitting my struggles.

I needed to go to school and be part of groups where no one knew the name Albany Campbell. Why? Because I needed to be reminded that my worth does not come from being known by people.

–

Y’all I could continue to write out struggle after struggle that turned in to lesson after lesson, but I won’t because it’s not necessary. You have your own “I am ________” statement.

Maybe you’re struggling with anxiety or self-image or guilt or lust or loneliness. You know what goes in that blank and so does God.

Here’s what I want to tell you. There’s a because statement being created right now. Keep clinging to Jesus.

It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful. It’s confusing. It’s exciting. It’s humbling. It’s [insert your own word].

But, y’all, it’s not a waste. Every single piece of your story has the power to change your life and the lives of those around you.

I don’t know about you, but that’s something that I believe is worth fighting for.

–

Since coming back to school, I have seen a lot and experienced a lot. I have sat next to one of my closest friends and sobbed with them as they allowed them self to feel pain. I then sat and cried with that same friend a week later because of the goodness of God and his clear reminder of his presence in our lives.

I have felt anger like never before towards another friend. And I have watched God protect me from saying things I would have regretted. And then I have watched as God has molded my heart to look more like his. And I sat in awe as God used this friend to speak truth into my life.

I have struggled with doubting my decision to lead Young Life. And I have watched God facilitate some incredible interactions with high school kids after crying out to him and telling him that I can’t do this. (That sure is the truth, I cannot. He CAN.)

I have remembered the feelings of loneliness and complete desperation for friendships. And I have watched freshman girls encourage each other and become friends with each other after saying “yes” to a simple idea that was laid on my heart a few months ago.

–

We, you & me, are incapable. We are inadequate. And we are lost. But y’all Jesus changed that all. He will use you, and he will use me, amidst all of our brokenness, if we allow him.

I do not know what you are battling through today (I’d love to talk about it if that’s on your heart), but I do know that you are in the midst of HIM creating a because statement in your life.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”

 

Cling to Him my friend. You have nothing to fear.

 

I love you and I’m praying for you,

 

Albany

 

 

 

Roller Coaster Riding

 

Just last week, possibly last Monday, I was standing in the kitchen making dinner and I looked at my roommate and said, “this is the best season of my life so far.” Everything seemed to be going well. I’m loving my classes, I’m loving ROTC and my role as a Team Leader, I’m loving leading Young Life and I’m loving coaching other ladies as they begin their journey towards health & fitness.

Here’s the thing. Life seemed to be going so well and then it smacked me in the face hard this weekend.

Let’s start with Friday. I went to Leadership – a monthly gathering of all Young Life leaders in Knoxville (it’s a highlight of the month). Leadership looked a bit different than the past couple I have been to. We had guest speakers come in who were talking to us about anxiety and depression, two things that many of our teenage friends struggle with. It was one of the most informative and beneficial things I have ever listened to. One of the counselors talking to us said “if we can’t identify what we’re feeling, we can’t bring it to God and repent.”

Honestly, I’ve never really struggled with anxiety or depression. This summer was the first time I battled with a bit of anxiety as a result of being completely overwhelmed, but beyond that it’s never been an issue. I loved the information I was being given by two experts, but I never imagined it would actually directly apply to my life. (HAHA- I’m naïve).

I now realize that God was preparing me for insanity. A roller coaster of emotions that I have never felt before. I believe that the emotions I experienced this weekend created the fastest, tallest, most loopy roller coaster that has ever existed.

An unfortunate event happened that I never saw coming. I made a decision without using much judgement and it resulted in a Butterfly Effect like I have never seen before. I felt guilt. I felt anger. I felt confusion. I felt frustration. I felt ________… so many emotions that I cannot even identify. Remember when I said that the speaker I listened to said, “if we can’t identify what we’re feeling, we can’t bring it to God and repent.” [Hey Jesus – thanks for clearly speaking right to me] I did not know how to identify most of what I was feeling and every time I talked about it, I felt a different way. And every time someone else involved in the situation said something I was even more confused.

I expected this weekend to be the last weekend of the semester that was relaxing before I dive into several weekends of being away. I thought I’d go to leadership and Fulton’s football game on Friday, sleep-in on Saturday, get up and workout, do some homework, go work garage detail for 2 hours on campus and then go home and relax. I thought I’d wake up on Sunday feeling refreshed, excited to go to church, ready to meal prep for the week, knock off a bunch of tasks on my to-do list and then chill before I got to bed early in preparation for my first PT test of the semester. Man did I think…

Nothing about this weekend went as planned. I feel like God was tearing me a part like an onion and every layer was a little more painful than the previous. I struggle with a lot of sin and really struggled to cling to Jesus through the trails of this weekend.

I felt guilt.
I felt anger.
I felt betrayal.
I felt that I had betrayed.
I felt that I let down others.
I felt that I was a bad friend.
I felt that I failed.
I felt prideful.

Here’s the incredible thing. I felt all those things and was all those things for a period of time this weekend, but they do not define me. I have been able to repent, and Jesus has forgiven me. I am not defined by my sins or my roles in life. I am a child of God. That is who I am.

Last night, when I went to bed after this crazy, unexpected weekend, I was not at peace with the events of this weekend. I think the biggest thing I felt was an overwhelming sense of guilt, because if I had changed one small decision this weekend, none of this hardship would have happened. People around me would not have been hurting and I would not have been hurting. But God is truly faithful and has redeemed this situation.

This morning, I was able to talk with some of the people who were hurt this weekend. One of them being someone who I really didn’t want to talk to and it was hard, but so evident to me that God is working. I was able to fully forgive myself and others and that is freeing. I’m so thankful I serve a God who sent his son to pay the price for my wrongs, because I’m confident I can’t carry the weight of my wrongs.
This weekend, I realized how much I struggle to identify and feel my emotions. I’m very, very quick to feel other people’s emotions and to walk through trials with others, and honestly, that’s a big reason why I felt so many emotions this weekend. The people around me were hurting and that broke my heart, but I was hurting too.

I have always been a person who is there in times of need for others and I love that role, but it’s also caused me to feel as if I always have to put up a strong front. This weekend helped me see where I am in terms of how I handle my emotions.

This year is already challenging me to address things that I’m feeling and that is awkward for me, but it’s so good and I’m glad to finally be learning it even though it’s uncomfortable.
You are so loved by the God of this universe. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do to make him love you any less or any more. I don’t know if you also need to face something head on and let yourself feel it, but regardless, I’m praying for you. I’m praying that God would show up in your life, even if it’s not comfortable and allow you to cling to Him alone. He is enough.

80 Day Obsession Journey

It’s been 80 days. I cannot think of a time in my life that I committed to something and followed through for 80 consistent days. About 80 days ago (rest days on Sundays), I started a program called 80 Day Obsession through an incredible company called Beachbody. This program has changed my lifestyle: not only physically, but mentally, emotionally & spiritually.

 

Let’s go back to the months leading up to this crazy journey. 80 Day Obsession launched for public use in January. I had been seeing a lady (who is now my coach) post about 80DO and how great it was leading up to the launch day. I wanted in. But, fear combined with excuses (that seemed valid) held me back.

 

I was afraid I would let myself down. I said, “I’m already working out for ROTC three times a week, so I won’t have time, and I have a meal plan, so I don’t think I can eat healthy in the dining hall.”

 

I was afraid to make a financial investment… let’s face it, I am a college kid trying to financially make my way through, but the fact of the matter is, I spent so much money on (unhealthy) food, drinks from Starbucks, trips with friends, etc. That there was definitely a way for me to find $170 to invest in myself in order to change my lifestyle and honor God with the body he gave me. Y’all, the Holy Spirit is living in us… that alone should make us excited to take care of our bodies; they are a temple.

 

I was afraid that it was “selfish” to commit to doing something that involved investing in myself. I have never learned how to take care of myself & this summer (the hardest summer of my life) taught me that I have to take time and invest in me. I cannot pour from an empty cup.

 

The list goes on, so I continued to say “no” to Liz (my coach) every month when she invited me to join the next accountability group (now, the biggest gift)! I finally told her, I’m going to start in May. I’ll be done with classes & needing something to guide my fitness journey over the summer. May rolled around and I was scared, but I like to finish what I set out to do even if it’s challenging, so I followed through on my word. (It was actually perfect timing because some of my habits had gone downhill b/c I found my community at the end of the school year! Sounds like a good thing…it is, but it equated to a whole lot of eating out and a whole lot of pounds put on.)

 

—

 

Every person’s reason for taking care of themselves is different. For me, I didn’t want to become “obsessed” with fitness or how I looked or what I could/couldn’t do right away, etcetera. I wanted to become healthier all around, but most importantly I wanted to take care of this body, that is a temple to the Holy Spirit.

 

Throughout this program, I have learned a lot. It’s been crazy to me how many parallels I’ve seen between my walk with Jesus (in every area of life) and this healthy lifestyle journey (to glorify him).

 

In the first week or so, I was EXCITED. I wanted to be able to do everything right away, but y’all, I’d never done most of these workouts… the truth is, I really didn’t know how to workout. All I ever knew was running and that was my thing because I could literally just go; no thinking involved. I wanted everything to come right away; sounds familiar, right? We live in a society that wants instant gratification. We want things and we want it now. Unfortunately, this is why so many in our country are in debt or are trying the next fad that guarantees 20 pounds gone in a week. But those things fade, we have to be willing to work slowly towards our heart’s desire. And this program brought this to my eyes. I needed to slow it down and focus on the small details in order to experience and learn a new lifestyle.

 

Now let’s talk about the middle of the program. At this point, it’s a bit of a blur, but I remember that there were so many days I wanted to quit… but in order to chase after my goal of creating a lifestyle that honors Jesus with my body, I had to show up and do hard things. This is a lot like our walk with Jesus. Sometimes we think we’re promised an easy, picture-perfect life once we decide to follow Jesus (sorry, but that’s far from the truth). Like this program, we have to continue to lean in to Jesus even when it gets hard and we have to keep chasing eternity one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

 

I also learned how important it is to lean into Jesus. I had a hard summer. I took 10 credit hours online (that’s almost full-time), I worked a minimum of 40 hours a week (oftentimes, closer to 50) and I still had to sleep (unfortunately, that was at the bottom of my to-do list). The hardest thing was that I spent the majority of my week at work and I was working a job that was honestly miserable. It wasn’t good for my heart & it took almost everything out of me… I did learn a lot and I made it through, but it contributed to lots of stress this summer. At the end of a day, I needed an hour to decompress and invest in myself before I put my head in the books… working out became a time for me to release stress & anxiety and it was a time to just think. Jesus would show up in these moments and it reminded me that Jesus needs to be where I go in hard times, when I need to talk, celebrate, cry or simply decompress.

 

And then came day 80 (yesterday!!), I honestly shed a tear as this program came to an end. I learned so much from it, but I gained even more. I gained confidence in my body’s ability to work. I gained an understanding of how to eat in order to fuel my body, not just eat because I feel like it (best thing is, I never counted a calorie & there wasn’t much I couldn’t eat… I just eliminated most processed food and learned how to eat the good stuff!). I gained a community; a community of women (& some men) who encouraged me daily, pushed me towards Jesus and held me accountable on the days that I didn’t want to show up and do the work.

 

Y’all, this journey isn’t over, but it has changed my lifestyle. Yes, I dropped 10 pounds (even while following the nutrition plan to maintain my weight). Yes, I gained a lot of muscle. Yes, I can see some abs every now and again. But it’s more than that. My heart has been changed. My mind has been changed. My way of life has been changed.

 

I believe in this program so much. God has called me to begin to share it with others and help them to learn to invest in themselves. Wow, what a blessing that is! If you’re feeling that tug on your heart to change things up, let’s do this!

 

 

 

 

The Hardest Year

It’s been a long time since I’ve entered this corner of the interwebs… this semester has been crazy. I sit down to reflect on this entire year and I struggle to come up with the words. All I know is that there’s no way to respond to this year other than by praising His name.

 

A year ago, on May 1^st, the last possible day to make a college decision, I decided to attend the University of Tennessee. It really wasn’t where I wanted to go, hence the reason I pushed the decision to the last minute. Ultimately, I knew that God needed me here. I needed to go and listen, that’s all I knew.

 

I look back at this year and I can say 100% confidently that it was the hardest year of my life.

 

BUT… I can also tell you that I struggle to remember before spring break of this year. Spring break was the turning point in my year, God has brought to light so many reasons for me being right here in Knoxville at the University of Tennessee. He is good.

 

Prior to spring break, I struggled a lot. I had friends, but I didn’t have community to do life with. There weren’t people pouring into me on a day-to-day basis. It was a lonely year.

 

Prior to spring break, I wasn’t planning to come back to UTK. That was my own desire and if that decision had been made (praise Jesus it wasn’t) it would have come from a place of selfish ambition.

 

Prior to spring break, I called home just about every day. I really hated feeling like I was missing out on so much at home because I didn’t understand why I was/felt alone in Knoxville. (I still miss my brothers a whole lot… I get to hug one of them in 4 days!!)

 

Prior to spring break, I just tried to check the things off my check list and make it one day closer to going home.

 

This “prior to spring break” list goes on and on.

 

So, what happened on spring break? God showed up and answered so many prayers; prayers that I was starting to think would never be answered. Community. Friends. Guidance. Peace. Rest.

 

It’s funny to look back at my year, particularly this semester, because God was laying the foundation the whole time for this one week that would lead to a complete shift in the remainder of my freshmen year and honestly my time to come here at UTK too.

 

Quest (Young Life Leader Training here in Knoxville) was going on a spring break trip to Destin, Florida. Of course, it was something I wanted to do… I mean no Young Life trip has ever let me down before, but there was a lot of hesitation. I did not know anyone going on the trip and I really wanted to see my family. I texted my mom and told her what I was thinking and that I wanted to go. I explained that I needed to sign up before the spots were gone (or really before I talked myself out of it). She basically asked me what I was waiting for.

 

My mom and I talked and decided that my family would come to Knoxville for Easter the week after spring break. That was what really convinced me that I could go on the trip, and even if I didn’t make friends, it was only a week of my life and I get to see my family shortly after.

 

A week before I left, I was feeling gross because of allergies. I called my mom one morning because I was missing home a little more since I was not feeling well. During that call she told me that they could not come down for Easter anymore because some things had come up (I didn’t respond too well :-|). I wasn’t feeling well, and my family wasn’t coming anymore. That was it, I was not going on the trip anymore.

 

By the end of that day, I knew that backing out of the trip would be the comfortable thing to do and I am not called to live in my comfort zone. So, I decided that I was going on the trip. It would be uncomfortable, nerve wracking and full of unknowns, but I needed to go (thanks Jesus for that kind nudge).

 

Fast forward: It’s spring break time and I’m just really nervous.

 

Fast Forward Again: Spring break is over, and it was the greatest week. I met amazing people, chased after Jesus in a new environment, met my best friends (PRAISE JESUS) and was reminded of God’s faithfulness. (He’s literally never failed me, I don’t understand why I doubt him.)

 

The cool thing about this trip is that I came back to school with the people I had met and built friendships with. It wasn’t like work crew or other experiences I’ve had where you leave camp, and everyone goes back to their homes all over the country. It was truly amazing.

 

From that point on, I felt like UTK was home. The remainder of this semester has been filled with so many blessings.

 

To highlight a few:

• Fulton High School: this school is one of the most precious gifts… this is where I’ll spend the remainder of my time here in Knoxville leading Young Life.
• Army ROTC: I signed a three-year scholarship from the Army that is going to meet so many needs and provide me so many incredible opportunities to serve our country and grow as a leader. It was also confirmation that I need to stay here in Knox.
• My Friends: I have literally known my best friends for less than two months. It’s crazy. They have blessed these last two months more than they know. From late night conversations, to exploring Knoxville, to talking about the goodness of Jesus, they are an answered prayer.

 

The amazing thing? I’ve walked past so many of these people and things all year. I just had to wait for His timing and while waiting is extremely difficult for me, His timing proved to be the best once again. I laugh often with my friends about what would have happened if we all had not hopped into a van to go to Destin, FL with a bunch of people we didn’t know.

 

So how can reading about my year be of any benefit to you (I wonder the same thing)? Let me try to encourage you with a few things.

 

1. God is faithful. He is right there with us in the most difficult and most beautiful seasons of life.
2. Don’t ever strive for the “normal college experience.” There is NO normal. Every person’s journey is going to look different… very different.
3. Go where He is leading you. Don’t walk away from that tug at your heart. It may be challenging, but there’s a reason He’s calling YOU to go.
4. And when you get there. Keep chasing Him. In the hard times, it’s going to be so tempting to walk away and chase after this world, but the world will never satisfy our needs.
5. Social media lies… social media added so many questions and emotions to my journey… I just didn’t understand why all my besties from home had it “easy.” Trust me y’all, they didn’t.
6. He is good. This world is not. But He will forever be good.

Let’s stop saying “Real World.”

There is this idea of “real world” in our culture. I’m not sure how prevalent it is as an adult (not referring to the legal definition of adult; instead referring to someone who has more life experience than myself) but as a teen and young adult, “real world” seems to be a phrase we run into a lot. I’d argue we run in to the term way too much; in fact, I think this term needs to be retired altogether.

As a student, in high school and even some in college, we hear adults refer to the “real world.” You know, the world where you work a job, have to pay bills and do not have people holding your hand through life. I get it! I understand why people say it. I’m guilty of saying it.

Just this past week, I spent time with some friends and in conversation with them, I said “I’m not really sure what I want to do in the ‘real world.’” Or yesterday, a sweet friend of mine who is in the college search process told me she’s hesitant to go to a Christian school because she doesn’t want to be sheltered from the “real world.”

Here’s my question: who are you or I to say that this is not the “real world?” I hate to tell some of you that this is the “real world.” Others of you, I am so happy to tell you that you are living in the “real world.” Everyone has different feelings toward the “real world,” some dread it and others cannot wait for the day when they enter the “real world.”

Here is the reality: this world is broken and imperfect. Some are living in immense amounts of pain, while others are in a place of great joy; some have roofs over their heads and others go to sleep wondering where they’ll get their next meal. Some get up and go to class every day, while others wake up and hop in the car to get to work on time. Some choose to smile at the things life throws their way, while others choose to pout.

Some of life’s circumstances are out of our control but we get to decide how we approach life. But no matter what your life looks like, it is reality. This is your “real world.” Yes, seasons are going to change. But whether you’re a middle school student, retired person, or you work a full-time job, this is your “real world.”

We, as a society, have a tendency to focus on the future, plan out our day to day life. Many of us go through the motions of today, in hopes of getting to the next big milestone in our life (for many of you, that next milestone is the so called “real world”) and then we get there and cannot appreciate all the little things that got us there, because we forgot to stop and look around.

Right now, look up (literally stop reading this and look up). Where are you? The chair you are in, the building you are in, the street you find yourself on, the town you live in, the county you work in, the state you call home, the country you get to call home and this world you are living in. It is real. This is your “real world.”

My reality looks different than yours. Your reality looks different from your favorite teacher’s. Their reality looks different than the doctor’s. And so on and so on.

Here is my point. If you can inhale right now, then this is real. You are living in the real world; it’s not a perfect world but it is real. You are right where you are supposed to be, every step is part of the journey. Your journey.

What I Wish I Knew Then.

Let me intro this with the fact that I do not sit around thinking about high school, or the past in general, but in the past week, I’ve gotten some text messages from some high schoolers who I love dearly that have broken my heart.

 

“I’ve always hated school but I’ve never felt so alone.”

“I’m not sure anymore.”

(insert encouraging text to them)

“After hearing somethings… the past few days… this is good to hear.”

 

My heart shatters for my friends. And my mind has gone crazy thinking about them and this season of life they are in. So, to all my high school friends, this one is for you.

 

It’ll be done before you know.

As a high school student, I hated school. Many adults in my life would say to me “you don’t really hate school,” but hear me loud and clear, beginning in 9^th grade, I hated school. I did not want to be there, I let myself be miserable and dwell on the things that I believed and still believe are stupid. But my friends, 4 years came and it left in the blink of an eye (it’s true- I’m officially one of those annoying “adults” that you roll your eyes at). I wish I realized just how fast it would fly by. I wish I realized that I will never have a place that is so full of opportunities to love on others, to take baby steps, fall, and get back up. I will never have another time in my life like high school.

So to those of you that are there, counting down the days until you’re “free.” I get it. I was there. But let me offer you this piece of advice: stop, today is the only today you’ll ever have, look around and do something new. Go join that club, who cares what your friends think. Go ask that teacher for help. Go introduce yourself to the person who you make awkward eye contact with every day that sits at the lunch table next to you. Ask your parents to do something you want to do, who knows, maybe they’ll say yes. GO. Now is the perfect time to fall, you’ll be able to get back up. I promise.

 

It doesn’t matter.

Yep, this may shock some of you, but high school is not the end all be all. Y’all who are/were close with me know how annoyed I got with my friends who spent so much time on their homework or got upset with a 95% on an exam (that same exam I got a 60% on, lol) but guess what? I’m thriving here at The University of Tennessee and they too are thriving at schools all over the country. My 3.8ish GPA is not tattooed to my forehead, in fact, no one here has ever asked me my GPA or my SAT score or what my status was in high school, it does not matter.

I know, it seems so big right now. That GPA. That hot guy or girl. That thing that you cannot believe she just did. That party you were not invited to. You know what I’m talking about, I know you do, because you’ve stopped and asked yourself “what is the point?” I have been there. I assure you that if you can step back right now, take a deep breath, and realize that in a matter of 4, 3, 2, or less than a year, you will be exiting that school and not looking back, it will help you to thrive right here and right now.

Here’s what I can tell you. The people you do life with right now are real people and they do matter. They have real emotions, real interests, and real value. You can choose to live in harmony or you can choose to fight all the time but I would recommend leaving that building with 1300 friends rather than enemies. You never know when your paths will cross again, don’t burn bridges now. I think so many issues in high school can be solved if we just treat people with respect. The “things” are not what matter.

 

You are you.

Raise your hand if you are different (both of my hands just shot up). Looking back at my high school career, I do not think I had many people out to get me (lol) but people knew I was different, I just was very sure of myself as a high school student and I did not give in to a lot of the worldly pressures we face as high school students. My bet though is that so many of you feel different and out of place, I get it… I did too.

Here is what I want to remind you: you were created for a unique purpose. There will only ever be one [insert your name here]. There is no cut-throat formula on how to do high school. What your mom did in high school, or your brother or your coach did, is not what’s going to work for you.

Real Life Example: That little brother of mine (you know which one I’m talking about). He’s a stud on the field and the court (he won’t take the time to read this so that shouldn’t go to his head LOL). He doesn’t like school. He is the smartest guy I know, he just really could care less about the books. The kid is my best friend and man do I feel bad for him. Academically, he has been living in my shadow and it is not fair. He is not me. I wish I had half the athleticism he has and maybe a couple inches off his head but I don’t. Why? Because I’m not him. And he is not me. And that is okay.

Do you see what I’m getting at? So many of us have pressure to do this, or do that, act this way or don’t act that way, all because that may have worked for someone else. I want to tell you that you are not [insert the pressure giver’s name here], you are [insert your name], you’ll only ever be [insert your name] so go out and be the best you that you can be! Enjoy this journey, I believe it was designed to be an adventure.

 

The walls are only part of it.

High school is a place but also a time in your life. It’s this time and place where so many are trying to answer the question: who am I? It’s this time when we feel invincible. I mean come on, we do know it all (right?!).

There is so much pressure to know and do it all. à Where am I going to school? Don’t forget to write that research paper. What do I want to do with my life? You need to make up that chemistry exam. How am I going to pay for this? You need to be at the Orthodontist by 2:20 today. Did you remember that scholarship is due today? ß You know the list, it goes on and on. You don’t just go to school for 7 hours 5 days a week, you are in a season of life where you’re trying to figure things out, this season known as “high school.”

Don’t get too caught up in the things that are happening inside the walls. Go out and do new things, try a new club, accept that invitation to Young Life (wink wink), look into all your post-secondary options. Check out that new coffee shop, hang out with someone you never imagined you would. Explore!

This is a special, special time. Do not limit yourself. Thrive in this season.

 

Yesterday is gone.

Let me be real, I still struggle with this one and this doesn’t just apply to high school. When you get caught up in the “was” you miss the “now.” And that’s not a good thing because there is a reason for the “now.” Yesterday has ended, the things that were done are done and the things that were said have been said. You cannot redo yesterday and neither can that person who may have hurt you yesterday. Have you heard that saying: don’t go to bed angry? It’s a wise one!

I’m going to tell you that I still struggle with this. I thought I left high school in the past, but when I was home for fall break, I still had some nasty thoughts/emotions toward a particular individual. That’s not the way I’m called to live, yes that person hurt me and treated me wrong, but I’m guilty of doing that to others. I need to forgive and remember that today is a new day… it’s the only today I’ll ever have.

I hope that you can step into the present and be all there. It will make life so much more exciting.

 

 

I’m so so saddened by the messages I have received from people I love, and from some who I never really spoke to, but y’all, keep running the race. The finish line (for this part of the race) is closer than you can see. And if any of you reading this needs anything, track me down. I want to be a person who encourages others. You are so loved.